Korean Weirdos

The night started in the exact same way as every other night; We decided that we would 'take it easy' and 'not spend so much money'. In an attempt to save money we bought two boxes of 640 ml Cass beer from Home Plus (Tesco supermarket)

2pm we started drinking.

6pm we bought a few miniature Jameson whiskeys from the Family Mart (local shop).

7pm we were sleeping in the park after a pizza and a big box of fried chicken parts.

8pm we drank the end of our beers and wandered into The Season Bar, which is where the weirdness began. We had been to this bar before and met the owner a few times, his name is Curry. So Curry calls his friend to the table and then an older woman in a fancy pants dress sits with us.

'What are your names?' we ask.

Call me 'Mr. Park'

'This is Mrs. Ooo' said Curry.

Curry told us he had just sold the bar to Mrs. Ooo

'What do you think of Mrs. Ooo' he would say, 'isn't she elegant?'

'Yes, elegant' we replied.

So anyway 'The Season Bar' is now called 'The Seattle'...uhm, that is not the point of the story.

Andrew has to go to the toilet, 'I have to go to the toilet' he says.

'I'll go too' says Curry.

On the way to the toilet Curry says something in Korean - 'Blahblahblahblahblah'

Andrew doesn't speak Korean but says 'Yes!'

Then Curry slaps him in the cock and laughs and gestures 'You have a big cock'
Andrew laughs realizing what Curry had asked in Korean.

Curry enters the toilets first settling on the urinal furthest away from the door. Andrew starts to piss in the one nearest the door, as is (what Andrew assumes to be) worldwide urinal etiquette.

Then Andrew glances to his left where Curry is shuffling one urinal at a time towards him, cock in hand. 'Jesus! He wants to see my genitals' thinks Andrew. Anyways Andrew doesn't worry much about it and goes back to the bar as if nothing has happened.

'Mrs. Ooo, where's my beer?' Stephen asks politely.
Mrs. Ooo brings the bill, which is around 50 quid after 1 round.
'Okay, that's the bill. Where's my beer though?' he asks again.
Eventually they understood. If you say bill with double Rs instead of Ls then imagine Stephens northern accent you'll figure out where the probrem starts.
Curry is still coherent and suggesting we sing and suggesting we dance and also between broken English slurs he is suggesting something else. He tells Mr. Park and us that we are going to the Norabang. We ask what kind of money this experience will cost.
'40,000' He points at Stephen, then at Mr. Park and Andrew and at himself repeating '40,000, 40,000, 40,000'.

Then we arrive in a Norabang where we are ushered into a small room with microphones and tambourines. Curry says something to the proprietor and we are moved into a much bigger room.

We look at the songbooks and try to find the english section. As we browse through the book we hear a bit of commotion at the door. Someone carries in about 30 bottles of beer and is followed by 6 korean girls standing in a line. 

'Choose one' says Curry as the proprietor waves her hand like a magician at the girls.

Andrew and Stephen give each other the look that means 'what is going on here?'
Then without much more thought they simultaneously say 'number 4' and 'number 2'
Then Mr. Park and Curry choose their girls.
None of these girls speak ANY english whatsoever but are happy to sit beside their choosers and pour drinks. Then when Stephen sings a song his girl dances and shakes a tambourine.
Then Andrew sings and his girl does likewise.
Now both Andrew and Stephens girls sing. They sing a Korean song.
'Dance with them' urges Mr. Park
Stephen and Andrew pull out their best dancing moves (which at this stage, as dancing goes, are the worst moves either of them have ever performed).
Mr. Park does not approve of our lackluster dancing techniques and he goes to Stephen first and takes both his hands and pulls him towards his 'Chosen one' and places his hands on her hips. Then Mr. Park moves to Andrews side and swiftly helps him cop a feel.
Stephen and Andrew look at each other again.
'I don't think these girls are prostitutes' says Andrew
'I don't think they like this at all' says Stephen as we both develop awkward hover hands.

After the song we realize that Curry is gone but we don't pass much remarks, still wondering what service/purpose these girls serve. Another song is sung and as it finishes the music stops and the girls stand up in unison and leave.

The proprietor comes back in to let us know that for 30 minutes of almost nothing we must pay ₩350,000 (£200).
'No' we say, 'Mr. Park, tell her we will not pay'. We open another beer while Mr. Park and the proprietor argue. They argue and shake their heads for 30 minutes in this room as we keep drinking the beer we are refusing to buy. We agree to pay ₩40,000 each, then she asks us to leave the room. We put what's left of the beer into our pockets and follow her to the lobby. Andrew gives  Mr. Park ₩40,000 but Stephen has no cash, just his Bank Card. Mr. Park gives Stephen 80,000 and Stephen tells the proprietor to only charge 120,000 - which she does.
Meanwhile Mr. Park has been writing a note that reads:

The Season Bar owe you ₩180,000.
If no pay tomorrow.
Stephen Card pay.

'Stephen!' shouts Andrew 'Did you see what he wrote? Grab that piece of paper and rip it up now'
Stephen looks confused.
'Rip it up man! It says to use your card if The Season Bar doesn't pay'
He rips it up. 'Anyo (No) Stephens Card' he says.

Then Mr. Park looks frustrated.
'Just write Season Bar will pay, it doesn't exist anymore anyway' Says Andrew
Mr. Park looks around and then he walks with some pace to the lift. Andrew and Stephen follow him quickly into the car park as the proprietor calls after us in Korean.

'Mr. Park! Mr. Park what happened?' we shout after him but Mr. Park doesn't want to know us anymore...

Please bear in mind that we are in no way sober.

As we wander aimlessly along the street a cop car pulls up ahead of us. Stephen shouts 'Andy! bacon!' and runs the opposite way. Andrew feeling like we have done nothing wrong walks towards the cop car shouting 'Stephen! Mon back, what's gonna happen?'.
Stephen came back. Nothing happened.

We need to find a pub is what we honestly believe at this stage. 'Mechu Ŏ-di-yo (Beer where?)' we ask a drunk man, he points to a building about 3 foot away and sure enough, beer.

Once inside the barman comes to us with his food menu and before he puts down we're shouting 'An-i-yo! An-i-yo! Mechu! Mechu! (No! No! Beer! Beer!)' and then in a fit of madness we order Soju too.




Here is the typical face people pull after Soju:

http://a2.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/72/dd71fdfa91c965c4863f54e5da2af6b7/l.jpg

Then the barman brings back the beers and soju and because he cares for us and wants to introduce us to Korean culture he puts a shot of Soju into our beer and declares that we have 'SoMec' which is certainly easier to stomach.


Then the group in the adjacent stall begin laughing at each-other saying whatever random English words they know like 'Hello'  'Fantastic baby'  'How are you? I'm fine thank you' and we are instantly lured in. They are 2 guys and a girl all around 23 years old.


We offer them shots of soju and they gladly accept and then we talk loudly for a few minutes. Stephen feels drunk or maybe Stephen knows that these guys are weird and retreats into a drunken stupor which the other table notice almost immediately.

'What's wrong with your friend?' they ask.

'He's Byung-shin (retarded/diseased body)' Andrew says as he moves to the other table.

Stephen is increasingly quiet and Andrew asks him to join the other table. Stephen at this point seems neither angry or lucid.

Then because Andrew has to piss every 10 seconds when he drinks beer he announces 'I have to go to the toilet'
'We'll come with you' say the two lads at the table.

Andrew thinks alright whatever...or maybe Andrew just doesn't think...

There's one urinal which Andrew steps towards. 'No! Go to the cubicle' they urge.

Alright whatever...

Then in the cubicle Andrew unzips his trousers and finds his penis. There is some shuffling and then Andrew tilts his head forward to see 3 dicks, 2 of em crossing the streams! 'Jesus' Andrew exclaims, 'I can't piss with you guys here!' but as they finish their pisses it turns out Andrew can.

Then as we got back to the table Andrew was shouting at Stephen 'These dudes pissed with me...in the same toilet...I think they were looking at my cock!'

Stephen then became very vocal and alert and sounded his immediate concern followed by 30 minutes of ridicule and disapproval at not just the situation but Andrews judgement in said situation.

Then at some point (and it is hazy) the girl in the group offered to be Andrews girlfriend for the night which he accepted immediately. So he and she kiss briefly on the corner and walk off hand in hand through the park. Then the dudes she was with came back and told her not to go with Andrew and then she went with them...Andrew possibly kept calling her a made up name because he really had no idea what she said her name was...We then exchanged numbers with the dudes.This was a month ago.
We have never contacted them.


Adam - a sound Korean fellow we met heard this story the next day.


'Why did you do it man?' he said.

'I dunno, I thought it was some cultural thing' replies Andrew.

'Do you know the difference between right and wrong?' Says Adam, 'Don't keep saying yes to everything or you're gonna get raped!'

Then Stephen, Andrew and Adam laughed and the post ends.